Here Today, There Tomorrow

Don't Talk To Me Like That!

Vincencia Dian October 04, 2020 0 Comments

"There are people around us who has the most damaging mouths and we know that by the time we get around them, we're gonna be damaged, we're gonna be slammed. They don't even hide it, they wear it like a badge. It's almost like an entitlement that they hurt other people." - Jimmy Evans on Marriage Today.

I was in a "throwback" mood when I was going through my old journal and stumbled upon a note of Jimmy Evans' sermon that I wrote on Wednesday, May 6th 2020. Apparently, I was having an anger issue and trying to self-assess what caused this whistling-ready-to-explode-teapot-I had in my chest. I usually found my journal as a sanctuary for me. Whenever I felt like bottling an emotion, journaling helped sorting things out and calmed me down. I built this system in order to avoid venting my rage. Sometimes, on my lucky days, I could choose to control myself. But, when I couldn't, I am the dumbest and the sharpest-tongued person. Just like what Jimmy Evans said about the damaging mouths, my words hurt.

Right before listening to Jimmy Evans' sermon, I was having all these questions in my head, "How people can be so feisty and mean with their mouths? What's in their heads? Who hurt them? Why can I be so hurt only by words? Why do they keep resounding in my head?". I was asking with my finger pointing out without realizing that I have the same exact tendency with my mouth when I rage.

Well, I wrote the whole sermon but here are my takeaways.

Parents are the most profound influence in children. We have a tendency to do what our parents did even when we don't like it.
Our past shapes our present. If we have a bad way of talking, where do we get it? From our own home, school, inner circle? Have we seen on movies, read it somewhere? etc.
Hurt people hurt people. Those with the sharpest tongues, meanest mouths, coldest hearts could be the people with wounded hearts. They harm others to hide how fragile and vulnerable they really are. It's like a self-defense system, kill before you get killed!

It seems like Jimmy was suggesting to blame our parents, family, loved ones for all the bad emotions we've been bottling up. But no!

What he was saying was we can be the ends of all the damage and disfunctions in our family, community, and etc. Forgiveness is the key. We don't wanna carry trash and give it to others, especially to our children, if we're planning to have one(s). We forgive the people and the event. We can always choose to dispose all the toxins and move on with our life. It is healthier for us to stop the anger reside within us and hurt other people through us.

Finished reading the story of the day, I turned the pages and read the next stories. Well, listening to Jimmy and writing the sermon didn't simply settle things down and make me a more composed, forbearing person. There were still some ugly days down the road. But at least, I now have a better understanding of why people do what they do, including why I act and react the way I do.

As I said before, journaling is a system I built to elaborate and analyze my feeling. Do I have a right to feel, think and react in a certain way. I always try my best to not vent, but when I do, I always and always thank my father for his wide-as-the-ocean heart. I love him for his forbearance and aspire to have the littlest size of his big heart.