Waiting On The Light

I've been watching Say Yes to The Dress Show on Youtube a little too much to the point that I started contemplating it. I love the show for the show, not because I'm dreaming of getting myself into one of the dresses. Apart from the fact that I DO dream of being in one, I love how this dress shopping thingy can reflect the way life operates.

At the beginning of each episode, the brides come with the ideas of the dresses they wanted, but end up falling in love with other dresses that are the opposite of their early preferences. They don't even look good in the dresses they've been dreaming of. They didn't expect if they will love other dresses.

On the other hand, the brides' entourage can be a safe haven or a pain in the neck. They are the families, best friends, bridesmaids and even the fiancees. For those with the best attitudes, they can be so supportive of the brides. But some people forget that the whole dress shopping thing is not about them but the brides. The lines may be scripted, but I'm pretty sure that the drama can happen in real life, too.

I've been thinking that maybe that's what happens to us most of the time. Just like the brides coming with the ideas of a perfect dress, we're so opinionated on what's best for us and it's throwing us off when the reality doesn't approve to our aspiration. We just can't see it now, we will only understand it till everything is done and all the puzzles are put together.

I have realized that I can't be more disappointed with anybody than to the ones closest to me. This also means that I might have hurt my beloved ones without realizing it. The fact that I care for them and want only the best for them can turn out to be an insensitive deed toward the receiver. Being a people pleaser myself, I often found myself on the receiving end.

Earlier this year, I had ideas of how my 2020 will be. I had plans, I was so excited about it. But then pandemic happened and everything shifted. It's funny that during the lockdown, everything is in a pause but ever-changing at the same time. Everything is adrift without certainty when to anchor. I was a little thrown off when the reality didn't fit into my imagination, and I'm still thrown off sometimes. But this Say Yes to The Dress Show somehow opened my mind. I might have pictures of my ideal future, but that might not what suits me the best. Maybe all the shifts, everything that's been holding me up from what I thought is ideal, is actually what's perfect for me. I just don't know it yet.

To be honest, it's hard to stay positive when the situation surrounding me now is not so encouraging, but I'm taking one step at a time. I'm so pushing myself not to be responsive and take as much time as I need to process everything. These days may be the darkest of the dark, but I close my eyes every night believing that help will come before the dawn. And how do I tell if it's dawn? The Light! I wait on The Light; I hope you do, too 🙂.